Emotional Intelligence, components
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What Is Emotion?
These are times when the fabric of society seems to unravel at ever-greater speed, when selfishness, violence, and a meanness of spirit seem to be rotting the goodness of our communal lives.
Here the argument for the importance of emotional intelligence hinges (gira ) on the link between sentiment, character, and moral instincts. There is growing evidence that fundamental ethical stances (posturas ) in life stem (se derivan ) from underlying emotional capacities.
For one, impulse is the medium of emotion; the seed of all impulse is a feeling bursting ( que estalla ) to express itself in action. Those who are at the mercy (que estan a merced ) of impulse—who lack self-control—suffer a moral deficiency: The ability to control impulse is the base of will and character.
By the same token (del mismo modo ), the root of altruism lies in empathy, the ability to read emotions in others; lacking a sense of another’s need or despair (desesperaciòn ), there is no caring (preocupación, se entiende por el otro ).
And if there are any two moral stances that our times call for, they are precisely these, self-restraint and compassion.
Daniel Goleman
Another, obligatory reference of our times, that in some way feeds the social neurosis, is the lack of attention, to the compulsive need for external approval, and self-creation of an image in accordance with ideological fashion models. Fostered by the mass media, the inappropriate use of technologies and social networks and the lack of contact with the essence of oneself and the loss of social ties. All these conditions directly affect our emotional mind, in its awareness and regulation.
Primary emotions.- The most fundamental emotions, known as the basic emotions, are those of anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise. The 4 most primitive emotions are consider, acording to ethological studies, as fear, sadnes, anger, happiness.
Secondary emotions.- Not all of our emotions come from the old parts of our brain; we also interpret our experiences to create a more complex array of emotional experiences.
The secondary emotions are those that have a major cognitive component. They are determined by both their level of arousal (low to high) and their valence (pleasant to unpleasant).
Emotional Intelligence, components
Simple definition.-Being you, managing you and connecting with others. How to connect with some emotions, happiness, joy… Or how to disconnect from anger, sadness.
History
Now there are various different references to our since about the 19, late 1950s early 1960s around things called emotional intelligence or words that are similar to that.
But the truth is it didn't really start to develop until 1990, when these two guys Peter Salvi and John de Mayo got hold of it and coined actually, coined the term emotional intelligence, they described it as a formless,
“ A form of Social Intelligence that evolved the ability to monitor one's own and other's feelings and emotions, to discriminate amongst them, and to use them to guide one's thinking and action”
Is about knowing yourself, knowing others and how to use that information, in a shorter way if you like.
Now Daniel Goleman, was working for The New York Times at the time of coming across this, but he was a Harvard trained psychologist, he was interested in more in business to start with.
And he came up with the idea that people who are truly successful in business don't just need the intellectual side of intelligence they also need the emotional so they need to know when emotional emotions are appropriate.
Now of course, since he wrote that book Emotional Intelligence, has exploded and it can now be applied to virtually any point in your life, you can apply emotional intelligence to business, still you can apply it to your own personal life, you can apply it to working with kids emotional intelligence, building emotional intelligence with kids is fantastic.
But for me emotional intelligence is a really really core key part of the helping process.
When we as whether you call yourself a coach a therapist a counsellor a practitioner, teacher, whatever you call yourself we have a responsibility to help with our clients with their emotions, their emotions are so often what control their entire lives.
Yes, there are beliefs and values behind it, but let's imagine if we had the intelligence to adapt our feelings to each situation.
If we had the intelligence to know when anger and frustration was coming upon us and we could go,
¡¡ oh hang on a second, No we don't like that one. I need an appropriate emotion at this point !!
Predominately, because of Daniel Coleman's work, we now have this amazing framework that we can use for our own life and for others.
And from his book honestly it's spawned (generado ) so much work into the world of emotional intelligence. And he takes a massive amount of credit for that.
I am going to propose that during this workshop, you think in terms of resources, the resources are built interactively between you and the experience, so that it is Registered within you. Working intellectually also helps to make the memory of the resource available when we need it. That is why I am going to ask you to write down the resources that arise, so that you can use them in the future when you emotionally require them.
Self Awareness
Suddenly people around the world don't really know who they are. I know that sounds like a really strange thing.
But if I was to ask you now who are you.
How would you describe yourself ?
+ In private as a couple, discuss the exercise and whether they felt heard or at any time interrupted.
Most people describe themselves as what they do. The truth is that we are much more than that within ourselves, but also the truth is that self-awareness It's not just about who we are.
Self-awareness consists of being constantly aware of ourselves, our emotions, our behaviors, and our actions.
Our actions and our reactions are key to who we are. Our actions are about how behaviors what we're doing in the world.
Now reactions are about our emotions how we're reacting to the situations, that come up when we're aware, when we are self-aware we can choose our actions we choose our behaviors that are appropriate to the situation and we also choose our emotions that are appropriate to any situation.
It's not just about knowing ourselves although that's very important and we will cover that when we get to the self awareness section.
But it's about knowing ourselves knowing how we're going to react feeling an emotion coming up on us and being able to go hang on a second.
I need to stop that just for a moment.
Positive afirmation
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Self Management
It's OK to be aware, but the management of that awareness and the management of those actions and reactions, I was just talking about, are absolutely critical.
It's also about how we manage ourselves on a daily basis how we get up in the morning, how we react to the world around us, how we react when we go to work or where when we're in a situation with a friend, or in a situation with strangers who which is meeting for the first time, it's about our management of emotion but management of behavior as well.
Much of our work in this workshop, we have considered, in facilitating them, transmitting a series of resources, which they can use with themselves as well as project them in their environment.
Resources such as positive affirmations, mindfulness, the framework of self-understanding, through the look of emotional intelligence.
In the dynamics, the experience of integrating them in a social way is facilitated. I invite you to consider this experience as a safe laboratory, where you can look through the experience with yourself and with the group.
Where they can look at themselves from another perspective, where they can learn through their peers (mirar ), acquire new resources and techniques that allow them to better understand themselves, better manage their emotions, so that they can decide, with the greatest possible freedom, where to go, your attention.
Positive afirmation
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Motivation and Resilence
As we move around the circle and we come to motivation and resilience. This is something that some people really struggle with particularly the resilience aspect.
Lots of people will say oh just don't have the motivation. The truth is and you'll find this out during the session.
Motivation is nothing more than an emotion in itself.
Motivation is about having the right thought process to put the right emotion into place to do what you need to do in that time.
It's about having realizing the purpose behind what you're doing.
Quizás un ejemplo personal, no me gusta limpiar la casa, pero me gusta que esté dentro de un orden y aseo.
But resilience is very important if you really want to achieve something again.
Many people all over the world try something that doesn't work right,…... I'll give up on that then or I try something that doesn't work. So they try a little harder and it still doesn't work.
Well, I'll give up, then I'll go and try something else.
There is an old phrase that I learned many years ago that I love and use every day and that's, getting online
“ Getting online, Stay online”
It's as simple as if you want something bad enough, you'll get in line and stay in line to get it. You will work at it as hard as you can.
You will give everything you want to give to the universe and then you will get it back when you get to your results.
Many people don't have it (resilience ).
Many people just give up because they want the instant gratification, culture has taken over the world.
And sometimes things don't come instantly in fact very often they don't come instantly.
I personally like the following definition of resilience. “ It is understood as the ability of the human being to face the adversities of life, overcome them and be positively transformed by them” (Edith Grotberg, 1998).
Resilience distinguishes two components:
Resistance against destruction, that is, the ability to protect one's own integrity, (will to meaning) under pressure and, on the other hand,
Beyond resistance (más allá de la resistencia ), the ability to forge a vital behavior. positive despite difficult circumstances.
Habits of resilience, https://www.psicologiaenergetica.net/logoterapia (crome )
We have to work at it.
That's where resilience comes in.
Positive afirmation.-
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Empathy
It's about others as well.
So we move after looking at us
We move into others and having empathy for others, having empathy for what they're feeling, what they may be feeling in a certain situation and being able to use that to connect with them, to help them understand.
Some people who do not know about the functioning of emotions and intelligence may come to think, and believe me, there's a massive proportion of the world that think, emotions are just something that happens to them, they just think their emotions just wave over them like a tidal wave ( se agitan sobre ellos como un maremoto ) and I can't do anything about it.
I just felt angry at the time or I just felt down and sad at the time or I just felt anxious at the time or ¡ Oh, I was so happy at the time !
Emotions are not like that, but at the same time it is necessary to have the empathy to understand that this is how people think.
Understanding, looking at them paying attention to who they are paying attention to their reactions and actions, on their face, in their body language, understanding what emotions they are experiencing in the moment and then being able to connect with them to help them get through that.
To have empathy for where they are, and help them move further and that's where empathy comes in.
Positive afirmation
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Relationships
And then it's about our relationships and I'm not just talking about our relationships with our wives or husbands boyfriends girlfriends, I'm talking about our relationships with other people, whether it's in a social situation where you meet people or a social situation where you don't know anyone, or teamwork. An attitude that forms and builds relationships by understanding how to connect with people.
It is a massive part of emotional intelligence.
Positive afirmation
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Imagine for a moment, if you wish, that you have the possibility of working and developing these aspects, for a certain time with one or several people, project the impact that you can create in them, a solid learning with which to remain throughout your life , and evolve it.
They would move forward with it.
Again, as we deepen into each section as we go along, I'm going to provide you with some tools and strategies to use on yourself, to move forward in your own life, to have the life you choose, a life on your terms.
And perhaps, if you wish, so that you can then go on and help others.
The emotional intelligence framework that we're going to follow is still learning a little more about our emotions as we go through this workshop.
What are emotions
+ Two Human minds
+ The three types of self emotional states
+ At the very Core, emotion are, Impulses to act to take care of life
+ E-motion, from Latin;E, move away, motion, movement to act or react.
+ PALM. We can create emotion. But we can change our emotions with movement, that's where it comes from. Emotions themselves are built from four different things that we do within our body, our mind, and our nervous system.
And, I call this the palm method of discovering emotions.
PALM (Phisical, Atention, Lenguage, Meaning )
P. Put the stupidest grin on your face you possibly can while you're doing that, look yourself in the mirror, and try and feel angry or sad or down or upset or anxious.
You simply can't do it. So our physical association to our emotions are really really important.
A. Science has verified what the yogis said so many years ago: energy goes where we put our attention. On a deeper level, the same is true of our intentions.
Where are you paying attention in your life, to really good things in your life?
Things that are happening things that are to come in the future. Are you living in the present.
Or, you are paying attention to sad things, bad things, angry things, frustrated things, or depressive things that have happened in your life that you are focusing on all the time.
Where you direct your attention, your life is heading towards similar events.
Afirmation
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Lenguage
What language do you commonly use?
Do you use the language of happy, excited, cheerful, fulfilled?
Wondering how I can improve this?
How could this be better?
God, I'm enjoying this.
This is fantastic.
What kind of language do you use?
Or do you use language that was all so rubbish?
Why do I always feel like this?
Why is life so bad and frustrating?
What language you use, that language is absolutely critical because when you ask yourself a disempowering question, like why does this always happen to me?
Guess what sort of answer you're going to get a disempowering answer.
You know that your mind is going to go because you deserve it.
And that's just going to create a whole bunch of stuff ( un monton de cosas ) inside you don't need.
Afirmation
“I deserve and I attract prosperity, I am open to receive the opportunities that are offered to me everywhere, I respond with an attitude of gratitude and dedication”
M.It means that this is the meaning that we create in a situation now, that has been built up over many years.
As you have had experiences in life you have created meanings within yourself.
That language has created a network of situations, sensations, emotions, thoughts, with similar meanings.
The problem with those meanings is that when that situation or a similar situation occurs again within you, an association is created through that network of meanings.
And reactively, automatically, it says oh well, it means this, therefore it should feel this.
But the truth is that if you say wait, you have the ability to restructure the meaning, what else could this possibly mean?
If you take the moment, to ask yourself specifically what else this could possibly mean.
Afirmation
“Wealth depends on my concept of deserving”
If you combine them PALM, all that is your emotional state and your emotional state, it can be changed, with your physical association, just by changing your physical association going for a walk, riding a bike or just playing with the kids and having fun changes your physical association.
Change what you are paying attention to to get an exterior and pay attention to nature instead of to pay attention that you are stuck somewhere. What language do you use in the questions you are using, or what meanings you create, It could change your emotional state.
That's why emotions are invented
What does that situation really mean at that moment?
When you have the information you have the ability to change it. Simply changing one, two, three, or all four of those areas often enough builds
another pattern that creates something different within you.
Afirmation
I gladly create harmony within myself, the interior Creates the exterior
Two Human minds
So in emotional intelligence it's generally recognized that we have two separate minds within us.
Emotional intelligence sees two separate minds.
The first one it sees is the feelings the emotional mind if you like this emotional mind doesn't have any filter, it just throws emotions up all over the place, It floods us with emotions, it just feels it acts and reacts completely instinctively and it just throws emotions at us.
Have you ever met anybody who lives completely in that emotional mind. Is that person who is just flooded with emotion, all the time they flick from left to right from up to down in emotion, all the time they're happy woman, it's sad the next Angry Woman It relaxed the next; they just can't figure out ,where they are, there's no stability, there there's no flat line where they can choose going one way or the other, they're just flooded with emotion all the time they just overpowered
with emotion.
Have you met people like that?
Certainly such people have the problem that they are completely overwhelmed with emotion.
They are ruled entirely by emotion. There is no intelligent thinking there, no consideration of what is appropriate and in what situation.
The other side, the other mind is the thinking mind
This, thought, is the mind that analyzes everything. This is the mind where you really notice the details.
You know I'm too close.
I'm too far away?
Does that car come at high speed?
Can I get on the road and cross safely or do I need to wait and watch the load go by first?
Cook that food or wash down what we have to drink Do I need a drink right now?
It is always thinking, always analyzing.
In the same way as in the previous example, it is a bit exaggerated, but it exemplifies when one of the two minds is not balanced by the intellect.
These are the people who overanalyze absolutely everything overthinking and the problem of overthinking.
The reality is that these people are paralyzed for action, and never do anything because they are too busy thinking about it. Obviously being disconnected from emotions, they lack the drive for authenticity.
An opportunity comes up and someone wants to overanalyze it, get into the numbers, get into figuring out how this is going to work.
If this happens, no matter what, then suddenly the opportunity is gone because we haven't
Really done something about it, just thought about it.
Intelligence Mind. They are the two minds that emotional intelligence says we have.
I like to believe that we have a third mind there and that I like to call the intelligent mind.
The intelligent mind connects the emotional and rational mind. It filters the emotions so that we are not completely inundated with them, allows emotion to surface, but a more filtered level allows analysis to emerge, so that somewhere in the middle, we can meet, and we can use the emotions in the right way, the right thoughts at the right times.
The people who reach a point of living in the intelligent mind are the people who do things in life.
They are the people who live their lives on their terms because they are not inundated with inappropriate comments and emotions.
They know when to let go and fully enjoy the moment, but they also know that there is moments where they could do that, but there's something else.
And neither are they the people who overanalyze everything.
These are the people who truly live their lives on their terms.
They choose how they want to live.
They choose the emotions they want to live with.
They accept that sometimes these other emotions will arise, they accept them, they understand the message, and they know how to regulate them to give them meaning in their lives.
You know the anger or the frustration that depression sadness.
We all have them. They're part of us.
Our nervous system actually needs a variety of emotion, to stay alive, to grow to effectively be us, but they know they don't have to stay there.
Leave as quickly as possible.
That is the intelligent mind.
Choosing the right emotions, the right emotions, the right moments, is choosing when to think, when to act, when to analyze, and when to take that little risk.
Afirmatión
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The three types of self emotional states
Engulped (sumergido ). These people are the ones that are swamped by emotions. They are just flooded. They don't know that they have a control of the emotion.
Accepting. Aware but unchangeble.Maybe that's you or maybe you're that person you're the person that just accepts the emotions are there.
And I think it's a personal view. I think a lot of people sit in that.Yes I've met some people in that. Absolutely. But I think a lot of people sit in that area.
They know that emotions are there but they don't really know how to change that.
Self-awareness. Understanding, appropriate. So a person that self aware and can manage their states.
Do you know when emotions are coming up, but you can choose which emotion is appropriate, or if you wake up in the morning and you know you feel a little frustrated when I got this warning, I'm not going to stay with it now, so I'm going to change it, I'm going to have a happy and fulfilling day.
Personal Exercice. Of these three types of states, classify as a percentage which one you consider closest to, and describe a situation in your real life, when you happened to be in one of them. Share it with a partner and think of new possibilities.
Benefit of EQ
- Self awareness.
- Emotional regulation.
- Clarity of thoughts and actions.
- Increased emphaty.
- Improved social skills.
- Openess to change.
- Balance.
Documents
GOING A BIT DEEPER
SELF AWARENESS
Accurate Self awareness and Ecuanimity
Who are You ?
What´s important to you ?
Know your story
Make peace with your past
Mindfulness
Your emotional States
Belives and Behaviours
Self awareness EQ
SELF MANAGEMENT
Personal responsability and integrity
The pause Button/ Inshallah techniques
Grounding exercise
Breathing exercise
Creating apropiate patterns.
Creating apropiate belives, states of disempowerment vs empowerment
Cognitive reframing.
Factors influyencing emotions
The emotional rules
Avoiding Hijacking
Management activities
- Acceso a mi web, donde dispones de recursos e información bien documentada, sobre aspectos de desarrollo y evolución personal.
Artículo: " Mitos de la terapia psicológica "